


Love in Bloom

by moonbeambucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:43:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23273779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbeambucky/pseuds/moonbeambucky
Summary: In the aftermath of heartbreak Bucky finds that love may bloom again.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Love in Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> Written on tumblr for @bucky-smiles Daisy’s 2K Bollywood Challenge. My prompt was based on the song “Bikhri Bikhri"

The world is a grey haze as thick chunks of snow blanket the expansive grounds of the compound. With your cheek resting against your palm you watch it from the window of your room, seeing the once green trees become covered in white, their limbs grow heavier, drooping down towards the ground as the weight of snow builds on their branches.

A gust of wind scatters a cloud of powder making you shiver despite being thankfully warm. You were looking forward to seeing the snow glitter in the sunlight, as soon as the storm passed anyway.

With the world quieted by the weather tonight was a rare moment for the Avengers to be together. Hearty entrees were spread across the table with more than enough available for the appetites of super heroes. Your own rivaled that of your super soldier teammates, one of them at least.

The empty spot across from you where Bucky normally sits was empty. He was home but didn’t come down for dinner.

“I don’t think he’ll be making the movie tonight either,” Steve said, trying to force a smile as he asked Wanda to pass the mashed potatoes.

You hid your own disappointment, loading another piece of lasagna onto your plate. Sometimes you and Steve had a lot more in common than you realized; you both used food as a comfort (though he has the luxury to not worry about the calories), you both thought Barbershop music was underrated, and you both cared more about Bucky Barnes than you did yourselves.

As Steve left the table to place a few empty plates in the dishwasher you casually got up, grabbing a few as well to bring over to him.

“Hey,” you said softly, stepping beside Steve to put down the dishes. With concern etched on your face you rhetorically stated, “So… clearly something’s up.”

Steve’s lips flattened as he hangs his head down, those large shoulders slumping over as he exhales a defeated sigh. “He won’t tell me. He’s been up in his room since yesterday and won’t come out.” Tilting his head with a lift to his brow he asks with a hopeful glimmer in his eyes, “Maybe you can try to talk to him?”

It wasn’t a request but a plea as Steve knew just how close the two of you were.

Becoming friends with Bucky was unexpected. When Steve brought him back from Wakanda some people were still on edge, wondering if they could trust the man they had a complicated history with, but with a bright smile and an extended hand you introduced yourself and that’s all it took, a welcoming face that didn’t judge him for his past.

It started off slow, a few words here and there of friendly small talk, and then one day he asked if you wanted to train with him. Sparring with Bucky somehow broke the ice and while you thought it was because of your breathless laughter about how badly he kicked your ass, Bucky smiled for a different reason, you didn’t hold back.

You weren’t scared of him, worrying if you went a little too far it might set off “The Winter Soldier” and you weren’t scared he might hurt you. Sure, his takedowns were quick, and you definitely felt the pressure he could have applied while locking your arms in a hold but Bucky was just another teammate. One that helped you train harder and faster, prepping you for the real enemies out there.

The friendship between you grew and you found yourself almost as close to Bucky as Steve which was saying something. Sometimes you would hang out in the lounge reading together, with your legs draped over the arm of the large leather couch, head resting on Bucky’s thick thigh.

He would interrupt to talk, sometimes about something random, like telling you a dream he had about his parents, or making you laugh about something funny that happened with Sam. It didn’t matter what you spoke about, you were just happy Bucky felt comfortable enough to open up to you.

Your friendship was special and over the years it’s grown so strong… just like your feelings.

You tried to deny it, telling yourself you were only friends, that you didn’t dream about those ocean blue eyes that crashed like waves onto your heart, that you didn’t memorize the crinkles around those beautiful eyes every time his smile was so big and bright. Bucky was like the sun, shining his warmth into your soul but you knew you had to look away.

Those pesky feelings were locked away, deep inside of you, and it was a struggle to keep them there but you knew it had to be done. You couldn’t chance ruining what you had with Bucky, an amazing friendship, to be able to talk about anything. If you told him the truth… you can’t even imagine how quickly he would shut down, and losing Bucky would be worse than never having him at all.

It’s a quick ride in the elevator to the floor above you. The stairs would have been easier but with the amount of food you ate you didn’t want the workout. Besides your heart was already racing, wondering what could be troubling Bucky so badly that he wouldn’t leave.

With a moment of deep breathing you’re ready to walk towards Bucky’s door, unsure if you would be successful since Steve wasn’t able to get the truth out of him. You release your bottom lip from your teeth, unaware you had been nervously chewing on it as you stood outside the intimidating wooden door.

Shaking off your nerves you softly rap your knuckles at the door. Worry crosses your mind if it might have been too soft but then again Bucky’s hearing is enhanced. Your own fails to hear if there’s any movement within his room so you knock again, this time softly calling out to let Bucky know you were there.

“You don’t have to come out if you don’t want to I…” You pause for a moment to reflect on the truth. “I just want to know that you’re okay.”

It’s quiet for a moment and you press your hand against his door. The chilly surface makes a shiver crawl up your arm but you don’t move, hoping for Bucky to answer the door. Deciding to wait just a little bit longer you leaned your forehead against the door and that’s when you heard it, the hopeful sound. A bed creaking, a faint huff of frustration and heavy footsteps.

You stood up straighter, wearing a soft smile as you anticipated the door opening. The doorknob jiggled as he unlocked it, sluggishly letting the door swing open.

Bucky stood there slouched over like the branches of the trees outside except instead of snow it seemed as if the weight of the world was forcing him down. His grey hoodie was frayed, as if he had been picking at it like a scab he didn’t let heal. He looked wounded, with stringy and unwashed hair that hung in front of his eyes like he was trying to hide the deep bags that took residence beneath them.

He lifts his eyes to meet yours, once a sparkling blue ocean they’re now dull and drained of life. He looks lost and the red veins in the whites of his eyes are the map that leads you to his troubles. Bucky’s been crying, a lot.

It upsets you to see him like this but it wasn’t the first time.

_Bucky didn’t think anyone was home when you had stumbled upon him in the gym. Hidden behind a pillar you watched as he jabbed at the heavy bag, his hair swinging back and forth with strands sticking to his sweat covered forehead._

_With each punch he grunts, each hit more forceful than the last until he stops. He steadies the swinging bag with his hands, resting his palms against it as he catches his breath. His breathing changes to short rapid breaths, as if oxygen is failing around him. With a strangled cry he sunk to his knees and that’s when you realized what was happening._

_You had never seen Bucky cry before. In front of the team he’s usually sporting a wide smile on his face, mostly thanks to all the ways he can annoy Sam. That happy expression disappears when Sam rightfully returns the favor but through it all there were never any tears. But to survive what Bucky went through does not leave you unscathed._

_His physical scars were obvious but you suspect the emotional ones ran deeper, and punching a bag until he was ready to break down might be Bucky’s way of handling things. Still, it broke your heart to see him there, a man once thought of as one of the world’s most dangerous criminals looking like a scared little boy._

_You approached him with slow, soft footsteps, seeing the tremble of his lips and tear soaked cheeks. “Hey,” you whispered, softening your gaze._

_Bucky jolted up in surprise, quickly wiping away his tears. It didn’t help. His eyes were still brimming with more that were ready to drop at any second, his nose a rosy shade of pink._

_“I’m here for you Bucky, if you want to talk or not. Whatever this is you don’t have to go through it alone.”_

_The distance between you was quickly closed as Bucky took a surprising step forward, wrapping his arms around you tightly as he cried against your shoulder. Your arms wrapped around his broad frame, bringing him closer to you with a reassuring squeeze. You let him cry for as long as he needed, gently rubbing circles on his back from time to time._

_When Bucky was ready he pulled back, apologizing for everything. “I got your shirt all wet,” he sniffled, harshly rubbing the wetness from his cheeks._

_“S’okay, don’t worry about that,” you reassured._

_Silence hung like thick air in the room with neither of you knowing what to say next. You tentatively chewed on your bottom lip, wondering if you should push anything further and ask him what was wrong but before you could say anything Bucky surprised you once more._

_“I’m lonely,” he said, two words that hurt your heart even more. “This job is great, saving people, redeeming myself, it’s…” He huffed in frustration, combing his fingers through long, sweaty strands of hair. “It’s not enough. There’s something missing in my life. I see Tony and Pepper, Clint and Natasha… that’s what I want.”_

_Bucky couldn’t look you in the eye after baring his soul, ashamed enough that his tears are soaked into the fabric of your shirt. His heart is pounding, he’s gasping for breath, drowning under the weight of his insecurities._

_“If that’s what you want then you should go for it.”_

_He chokes on a sob as his voice cracked, “I can’t, I’m not good– ”_

_“Bucky.”_

_Your voice is soft, caressing his soul with the gentleness of your tone. He’s surprised to feel your hand against his, leading him to the bench to sit down on. You’re leaning towards him, your knees angled and brushing against his leg. You haven’t let go of his hand._

_“You’re wrong.” He turns to face you, staring with sad blue eyes that are still crying without tears. “Bucky you’re an amazing person and you deserve happiness. You deserve to love and to be loved.”_

_“You really think so?” he asked, pleading for reassurance that you willingly gave. “I don’t know where to start.” He smiles bittersweetly._

_“I can help you, if you want.”_

_With a nod of Bucky’s head you began your quest to help him date. The apps weren’t for him, not yet at least. He needed an ice breaker, someone who could relate to some aspects of his life so at least if there was no physical connection they could at least maintain a conversation._

_You were still in touch with a few people from SHIELD, randomly messaging your old teammate Rachel to see if she was single. She was a short brunette with a cute smile and contagious laugh. She was easy to get along with and the least intimidating person you could think of, the perfect person to set Bucky up with for his first date._

_Bucky sought you out immediately after he returned home from his date with Rachel, ready to talk about the good and bad. She was great, he was a nervous wreck. They went on a few more dates before realizing they would be better as friends but it gave Bucky the confidence to go out more._

_He came to your room to tell you about another agent he met, one whose name you didn’t recognize. The thought of not knowing who she was sat like a rock in your stomach, feeling it sink lower as Bucky described how beautiful she was. You dismissed the feeling, telling Bucky how happy you were for him._

_Bucky was practically floating on a cloud when he came back from his first date with her, Felice, the mysterious beautiful SHIELD agent. He was so excited and filled with relief by how well everything went, and you sat there listening in silent pain._

_They kept seeing each other, the dates became more frequent and every night you fought harder to force your muscles to smile. Then came the night that Bucky had a date and he didn’t come home. It was the night you unlocked the door to those feelings you tried to ignore, finally acknowledging that you were in love with Bucky Barnes. But Bucky was happy with Felice, officially dating her and you couldn’t let your broken heart get in the way of that._

“Bucky…”

You don’t get the chance to complete whatever you were going to say as Bucky grabbed your hand, pulling you inside his room as he shut the door, throwing his arms around you.

“We broke up,” his voice choked in your ear, sensing the next wave of tears as his body trembled against you.

Bucky finds himself back in the same position he was six months ago, crying on your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around him, comforting him in a firm hold against you. It isn’t until he pulls away first that you move. He sniffles a few times in a row, wiping his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

He sat on the edge of his bed, puffy red eyes beckoning you to sit beside him. The firm mattress barely moves as you shift to get comfortable, leaning in a little closer to Bucky. He pulled a tissue from his pocket, blowing his nose like a muffled trumpet before he crumbles it up and tosses it across into the garbage can. A few tissues hadn’t made it in but Bucky hasn’t cared enough to pick them up.

The silence is broken as Bucky cleared his throat, “My heart is broken,” he rasped, clearing it again and exhaling a long sigh. “It’s scattered in pieces on the floor and she stepped all over it.”

“What happened?” you asked softly.

Bucky’s head shook, recalling the painful memories in disbelief that they actually happened. “She said I made her miserable.”

You try hard to control your expression, but the anger boiling under your skin, bubbling up like lava makes it hard to maintain a soft and compassionate gaze.

“She said I’m too insecure and she was suffocating. I thought…” He sighed again, this time letting his head hang low as if he wasn’t worthy of lifting it. “I knew I was wrong. I knew deep down that I’m too screwed up to ever be in a relationship.”

Tears burn the back of your eyes as you listen to Bucky’s doubt feast on his compromised state.

He scoffed. “What a joke. I can’t believe I actually thought for a second that someone could love me.”

“Stop it!” you shouted. Bucky turned his head, noticing the glisten of your eyes. “You are not screwed up Bucky, y-you’re incredible!” you emphatically declared. “To survive what you’ve been through and still be standing… being able to laugh and smile again.”

He sees the tears brimming your eyes, somehow you’re able to contain them despite the passionate way your whole body moved as you spoke.

“You didn’t just survive Bucky, you’re thriving! You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met and I promise, you are worthy of love.”

Your hand reaches out for his, sandwiching his hand in between yours and gently caressing it. “I know how bad you feel right now but this is today, not forever. And just like winter turns to spring, new life and new love will blossom again.”

The corners of his mouth turned up, pulling at a smile that made a tear slip out. Your hand naturally reached up, fingers grazing at his cheek as your thumb gently wiped it away. Bucky leaned forward to hug you again, though this one felt different. His grip was still tight but he didn’t cling to you like earlier, this felt like relief.

“Thank you,” he whispered against the shell of your ear, and with those words your tears finally dropped.

When you pulled away you wiped your eyes, blinking rapidly to dissolve the rest of the tears. “So you missed movie night but what do you say if we watch one together? To take your mind off things. I can make our favorite hot chocolate and cookies.”

You worried for a moment if you pushed too far, that you might be thinking selfishly and wanting to spend time with Bucky who may not be ready for company. He hadn’t even told Steve what happened. Your smile fades with every thought until he finally spoke.

“The ones with the peanut butter chips in them?” He looked at you with innocent blue eyes, his lips pouting through unkempt stubble.

“Yeah, those ones,” you replied, as your own smile lit up your face. “I’ll be back soon.”

The light scent of your perfume lingers in the room and Bucky takes a deep inhale, smiling as the floral aroma calms his mind. It wasn’t just the perfume, it was you and your words that help him see the light in a world of darkness.

He reflects on your friendship, how you’ve always been there to make him smile even if you weren’t trying. Within your buoyant smile Bucky found hope, a beautiful reminder that things would be okay because you would always be there.

His brow furrowed as he came to a revelation that smacked him in the face. All he wanted was to find someone that made him feel as happy and loved as you did. You were home, a safe place he could be himself, to be the person you’ve always seen without hiding the bad. You’ve embraced him, cared for him… loved him.

“Knock knock,” you said outside his door, returning a short while later with a tray in your hands.

Bucky opened the door and let you into a somewhat clean room. The tissues have been picked up from the floor, the bed was made, clothes that had previously been scattered across the floor were picked up and draped over a chair. Even Bucky looked better.

He changed into a bright blue henley and black joggers and he smelled intoxicating, like cedar and citrus. You could tell his hair, which had been combed into a low bun, was still wet. As you set the tray down you smiled to yourself, proud that Bucky was motivated enough to take a shower.

Toeing off your shoes you climbed into his bed and sat against the pillows, making them comfortable against the headboard. It didn’t occur to you how intimate this felt, with him beside you, the blankets covering your legs, with only the soft glow of a bedside lamp around you.

You carefully slid the tray closer, offering Bucky his hot chocolate, made with extra marshmallows just the way he likes them. Metal fingers reach out for the cookies and he lets out a satisfying moan as he chews.

“So good,” he said, as a few crumbs spit out from his mouth. He brushed them off of the blanket to the floor, looking back to find you smiling behind your own mug.

Bucky offered for you to pick the movie but you wanted him to. “Pick whichever makes you the happiest.”

He scrolls through the endless titles for a moment, sucking on his bottom lip. The taste of peanut butter is still on his tongue. There aren’t many things that make him happy except…

He stops, looking back towards you and asked, “Did you really mean that? That I’m worthy of love?”

Your mouth lifts into a delicate smile, staring back at him with a loving gaze. “Of course I do Bucky. I always have.”

He sees the truth written on your face, staring back at him like a flashing neon sign and he wonders how he’s missed it before.

His eyes well up again, this time with happy tears that roll down his cheek as he smiles. You reach your hand over, rubbing the top of his cool metal hand. With a flick of his wrist Bucky laced his fingers with yours, offering a comforting squeeze. He knows now is not the right moment but soon he’s going to confess the truth about how he feels.

A smile blooms on your face and Bucky sighs in relief. Spring has come early.


End file.
